It’s not the words that make it real, but just because i’m no good at showing it doesn’t make it untrue, does it? I’m trying my best. My absolute best. To show you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I’ve fucked up alot and this is probably Karma’s way of fucking me over massively in one big hit. You like him. You’ve told me (although you were drunk so it’s understandable if you forget.) He likes you. You probably think he’s the better option and I feel like i’m completely helpless. No matter what I do, it never seems to have any effect on you. It’s like you don’t care about me anymore. You’re more interested in him. You talk about him every time were together. It’s like, he’s not there, but you talk about him so it seems like he is (in a weird metaphorical way obviously.) But you don’t seem to understand how upset that makes me. How utterly worthless and pointless it makes me feel. Maybe it has taken this to happen before i’ve realised how much you mean to me, how much I rely on you and how much I can’t stand to be without you, never mind with someone you’ve only known for a month.
I feel sick thinking that you’re with him every minute of everyday and I don’t get too see you very often anymore. It’s shit. I miss cuddling up with you on the couch watching your shitty programs, because i’m doing it with you. I miss lying in bed and being lazy shit bags for a full day just because we could. Fair enough, we don’t have time for that anymore, but I can make time. We can find time.
You don’t want to tell anyone either. That makes me feel shit too. Now I realize how you felt when I said I didn’t want to tell anyone. Now that I want the whole fecking world to know, you won’t tell anyone, but you keep telling everyone about Dylan, like you’re trying to get them used to him already. It’s like, I was just last years thing and now you want this years. It’s like you’ve just thrown me out because you’re bored of me. I’ve taken you for granted because I always knew you loved me, but now it’s the other way I realize how much of a fucking twat I’ve been and how much I need to make it up to you. I’ve been such a stupid fucking cunt when it comes to you. And now I may have lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
You were the one I could rely on and fall back on. You were the one I could ring at insane times in the morning when I got scared of things. You were the one I could cry to when I was upset and didn’t know why and you’d try and make it better. You were my baby girl and you always will be. No matter what.
I can’t explain or show you how much I love you, but I do. And no matter what, I always will.